Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
