I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
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