I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
