My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
