I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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