i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
