morning after pill = breakfast in bed
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
