I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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