I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
