I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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