Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
