you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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