I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
