I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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