Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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