i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
