your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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