i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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