he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
