Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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