my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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