This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Still dying that you shit outside
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize