dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Randomize
