where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
