white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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