I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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