He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
