What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
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