im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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