it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
