dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
