Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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