You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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