craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
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