The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
