So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
