is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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