She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
