My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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