K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
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