i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
