If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
We just shotgunned beers for America
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Randomize
