TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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