i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
