he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize