It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
