Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
