Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
