He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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