ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
