i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
and she was petting her beer can
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
