I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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