i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
