So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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