Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
