dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
