the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
