While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
