Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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