i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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