ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
