Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
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