If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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