1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
