oh god the rape fog is back!
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
