I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
