I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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