Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
