she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
