Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
is wine microwaveable?
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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