so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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