Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
