I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
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