I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
