i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
