I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
